Ok. So that was some unneeded suspense...
I need a non-famous friend.
If you've found yourself saying this before, I might just be your solution. Let me tell you why...
I don't care about stars/famous people/drama
I don’t follow pop culture that much. In fact, as your new friend, I’ll do my best not to read stories about you, your family, other friends or associates. I don’t feel the need to tell any other friends that we’re close, unless you want me to. Seriously, I’m someone who is more interested in you than the limelight, the story or celebrity.
Everyone gets down sometimes...
When you’re living life in the public eye, you’re always on I’m guessing. I’m the kind of person who would never say or think “you’ve got money - what do you have to be sad about?!” (That's just ignorant.) We all need to be heard, to be loved for who we are, not what our “job” is.
I’m not going to take your shit!
Friends should respect each other - but real friends don’t take shit from each other. In your line of work, you probably get tons of people who just kiss your ass. I’ll never do that. I don’t plan to make fun of you or be a jerk, but I certainly will call you out if your jokes are not funny. Speaking of jokes...
Let’s make a joke out of things
Not as bad as a court jester... but I am usually trying to find ways to make friends laugh. Appropriate pranks and dirty jokes are my forte. Seriousness has its place of course. But most of the time, I’m trying to find the jokes and silly shit in life. Man, you outta hear my joke about cancer...
Sold?
I fucken hope not! You don’t even know how crazy I am or if I’m a stalker. You better not be sold by now.
In fact, if I were your friend, I’d be screaming at you right now! You need to find out more about this fucken guy, man!
Who is Aaron?
Oh yeah. So, I should tell you, my name is Aaron. I’m a midwestern, 40 year old man, a programmer and entrepreneur, and a jokester. Your job is to figure out if this is a joke - or if I’m being serious.
As the wise, wonderful Nelly once said...
I'm just kidding... unless you're gonna do it!
Packages
Giggidy
Close Friend
-
Personal phone # access
- Reasonable access via text, phone, facetime
- Open, honest conversations
-
Optional visits
- CHI/MKE local visits
- 1 yearly visit to your locale
Best Friend
- Only 1 ever
-
10 year commitment from me to be near
- Physically on-premise, or within walking/driving distance
- Complete trust
-
Very few boundaries
- Details during negotiation
F.A.Q.
I mean, really? Frequently asked? Are people really asking these... naw. But these are things I couldn’t figure out where else to put.
If you’re not interested in fame and fortune, why do I have to pay you to be my friend?
I mean, you don’t have to. I suppose there’s a chance we could become friends otherwise. But, in the same way it’s difficult for you to find friends who aren’t ass kissers and yes men, it’s difficult for a normie to ignore all popular references to you, too! So, for a little bit of money, you can guarantee that I’m more concentrated on my new friend. It’s hard to be there for you if I’m drowning in my consulting work.
Why so much for the Best Friend package?
It’s a huge commitment from me. Need a bro to hang out for a backyard BBQ? I’ll be there because I’m your neighbor. Need a friend to run an errand because you can’t get out in public? I’m there. I do plan to have my own life, I’m not planning on being your live-in help. But, I’m prepared to take 10 years off my goals in order to bank up a great retirement and not go into debt living a life in your orbit. It sounds crazy because it is! But again... Nelly!
I’m young and hip. You’re 40. Why would I want to hang with you?
First of all, you young whipper snapper, you’re gonna get old at some point, too! Depending on who you are, 40 is old - or not old. If you’re going out partying every night and want me to participate or weigh in, then we’re probably not a good fit. Here’s the thing - my joints feel like they’re 60, my brain feels like it’s 30. My humor feels like I’m 12. I’m not gonna try to convince you any more.
Wanna do something fucken crazy?
Maybe this is a joke. Maybe it’s real. Only one way to find out!
Inquire Now